"Tyranny is Ok when we do it" --LL Senate

General
1

(We step into the scene with the LL Senators already mid-conversation)

LL Senator Fatsy McBankroll, Esq: “The problem with these damned commoners is they never know when to bow down to their betters. I suppose it’s not their fault; it’s up to us to teach them their place…”

LL Senator Baron Herr Uberreich III: “Haha eets not sometheeng you can blame zem for. Vee have ze money and ze power and vee must know better zen to trust peasants veeth such problems.”

LL Senator Sir Quincey “Squints” Masterson: “Cheer up Fatsy, old boy. Why don’t we do something fun to get your mind off it. Who’s up for a camel race? Sheik, let’s have a go at those camels.”

LL Senator Sheikh Sheckels: “CAMEL TIME!”

LL Senator Fatsy McBankroll, Esq: “But we haven’t finished writing about the duties of the Senate to keep the peasants, I mean, the poor, I mean, the commoners…”

(Fatsy looks at Squints, who nods his approval to the word “commoners”)

LL Senator Fatsy McBankroll, Esq: “Yes, the duties of the Senate to keep the commoners in check. We have to finish!”

LL Senator Baron Herr Uberreich III: “Vats to finish? Vee control everything. Bada bing bada boom.”

(The Baron makes a motion as if wiping off his hands)

LL Senator Sir Quincey “Squints” Masterson: “It’s true old boy; we do control everything. Just think of those silly central bankers, how many centuries did they waste trying to get control of everything? We get control on day 1 of Liberland, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.”

LL Senator Fatsy McBankroll, Esq: “Well, I supposeeee…”

LL Senator Baron Herr Uberreich III: “Me sinks… eet is camel time.”

LL Senator Sheikh Sheckels: “CAMEL TIME!”

LL Senator Fatsy McBankroll, Esq: “Alright, but none of those damn adult jockeys and none of your robot jockeys either Sheikh! I want actual children jockeying those camels!”

LL Senator Sir Quincey “Squints” Masterson: “We simply wouldn’t have it any other way Fatsy.”

(Arm-in-arm the troupe walks towards a glorious day of camel racing)

2

(The camels have long since returned to Arabia. Our cast is crowded around the fireplace on a dark and stormy night at the Country Club. Fatsy is pacing the room)

LL Senator Fatsy McBankroll, Esq: “Alfie, what’s the time again?”

Alfie: “It’s eight o’clock sir.”

LL Senator Fatsy McBankroll, Esq: “Damn, the results should have been in by now… Look here Squints, if we don’t get this thing passed, we’re out on our asses!”

LL Senator Sir Quincey “Squints” Masterson: “Fatsy, you worry too much. You should know by now that I never put my hard-earned money behind anything that’s not guaranteed to win.”

LL Senator Fatsy McBankroll, Esq: “Hard-earned my shoe! Great-granddaddy Masterson made that money pirating ships and selling the crews as slaves to the Ottomans!”

LL Senator Sir Quincey “Squints” Masterson: “Yes he did, blessed Grand-Pappy, though he never sold anyone into slavery that didn’t deserve it. And I have hard-earned the money by not losing it to questionable investments. I only ever invest in that which I already know the outcome.”

(At that moment, two Lords burst into the room, one holding a parchment over his head)

LL Senator Lord Robbert Baroney “Rocky” Rockeyfeller-Stein: “Gentlemen, the results are in!”

LL Senator Lord Richard “Ricky” Rothschildren-Stein: “And you will be most pleased!”

(Alfie took the parchment and spread it out across the table, knocking over a glass of wine in the process)

LL Senator Fatsy McBankroll, Esq: “You buffoon, no dessert for you this week!”

LL Senator Sir Quincey “Squints” Masterson: “Let’s get a look at these results. Hmm, here we are, Senator Aaron Aardvark-Stein votes “Ay” with 10300 votes. Brock Buttle votes “Nay” with 1 vote. Cristobal Clemson votes “Nay” with 1 vote. Dietrich Demimoore votes “Nay” with 1 vote. Edwin Emerson votes “Nay” with 1 vote. Senator Francis Freedle-Stein votes “Ay” with 26057 votes…”

LL Senator Fatsy McBankroll, Esq: “Just skip to the M’s”

LL Senator Sir Quincey “Squints” Masterson: “yours truly, Senator Sir Quincey Masterson votes “Ay” with 100033 votes, Senator Fatsy McBankroll, Esq votes “Ay” with 60666 votes, Mary Macintosh votes “Nay” with 1 vote, Newt Newny votes “Nay” with 1 vote…”

LL Senator Lord Robbert Baroney “Rocky” Rockeyfeller-Stein: “And the R’s”

LL Senator Sir Quincey “Squints” Masterson: “Senator Lord Robbert Baroney Rockeyfeller-Stein votes “Ay” with 1000033 votes, and, this might be a new record in voting chaps, Senator Lord Richard Rothschildren-Stein votes “Ay” with 1-zero-zero-zero-zero-zero-zero-zero-zero, this is altogether too many zeros for me to even distinguish the number…”

LL Senator Lord Robbert Baroney “Rocky” Rockeyfeller-Stein: “Is that a quadrillion, how much is a quadrillion?”

LL Senator Fatsy McBankroll, Esq: “No chaps its much more than a quadrillion, but I can’t make it out… Alfie get my reading glasses.”

LL Senator Lord Richard “Ricky” Rothschildren-Stein: “I’ll tell you how much it is gentlemen, It’s just enough to guarantee our families place as Lords over the peasants, er I mean commoners for many generations to come. Let’s make a toast shall we.”

(And their glasses clinked together merrily. Quite a few toasts were made after that one. And a goat was later sacrificed; only for its delicious meat, of course. Though Ricky and Rocky did have a go each at wearing the goat’s head on top of their own while dancing around the room, and muttering what sounded like incantations to Baal. Squints and Fatsy hadn’t heard such things before, but who were they to question the habits of their friends.)

(In our next installment, we will join Squints and Fatsy as they take a carriage ride thru the city)

3

(On a beautiful sunny day, the carriage is speeding right along with Alfie at the reins. Fatsy and Squints are in the back, when Squints has an idea.)

LL Senator Sir Quincey “Squints” Masterson: “I’m feeling inspired Fatsy, let’s take a ride through the city instead of heading right to the Senate chambers.”

LL Senator Fatsy McBankroll, Esq: “Brilliant idea, old chum. Let’s go through some of the poorer, more common neighborhoods, and see how the other half lives.”

(They let Alfie know of the change and they head through a working class neighborhood. Up ahead they see some street construction and so their carriage has to stop. Fatsy calls one of the street workers over.)

LL Senator Fatsy McBankroll, Esq: “Hey boy! What’s going on here? Move this mess out of the way and let us pass!”

Cockney Street Worker: "Old on, Guv’nor! No need to be shoutin’ yer ’ead off about it. There’s a right palaver up there — some geezer’s gone and shifted the bleedin’ man’ole cover, and a bunch o’ moggies chased a ball o’ wool down the ruddy ’ole! We’re tryin’ to fish ’em out now, we are.

LL Senator Fatsy McBankroll, Esq: "Speak english moron! Alfie what’s this fool blathering about?

LL Senator Sir Quincey “Squints” Masterson: “Never mind this, Alfie. Just drive on! We don’t have time for this nonsense!”

(Alfie tries to drive the carriage past the crowd of workers but there’s no space to move past them and a crowd of angry workers surround the carriage.)

Cockney Street Worker 2: “Oi, you can’t be doin’ that! Them kittens’ll snuff it if you keep on, mate.!”

LL Senator Sir Quincey “Squints” Masterson: “We are on Senate business you idiots! Get out of the way!”

(Squints climbs up on the carriage box seat and takes Alfie’s horse whip and starts whipping the workers. They scatter away from the carriage. The horses lurch forward and the carriage slams up and over the workers tools and finally down the street.)

(The carriage pulls up to the Senate chambers.)

LL Senator Sir Quincey “Squints” Masterson: “We will take care of that nonsense forthwith.”

(A bit later, Squints, Fatsy and others are just signing the latest Senate orders they had drafted. Fatsy reads it out loud.)

LL Senator Fatsy McBankroll, Esq: “And so all of the street workers assigned today to Little Moggie Lane are now fired from their positions working for the Liberland Government and their elected supervisor Mr Civicly Mindedson is also fired. May they learn from this experience and become better members of society from it!”

LL Senator Sir Quincey “Squints” Masterson: “Yes, that’s good Fatsy. You see gentlemen, it’s not just important to enforce the rules and boundaries with these cretins, but it’s also okay to be quite gentle in our enforcement, no public floggings here, just some simple firings, remove their source of funds and they will learn to show some respect to those they serve. Eventually perhaps they may get new employment and will be all the better for having gone through the process!”

LL Senator Fatsy McBankroll, Esq: “Hear, hear!”

(And the other Senators applauded their actions and after retiring to the cigar room, some rousing discussion was had about dealing with the lack of respect in the working class.)

4

(We find our characters in the Congress building having a heated meeting.)

LL Senator Sir Quincey “Squints” Masterson: “Congressman Paulo, we have received distressing reports that you are going to call a Constitutional Convention in an attempt to attack the Senate…”

LL Congressman Ronnie Paulo: “No, not to attack the Senate, but only to try to curb its nearly unlimited power. Last week the Senate fired half of our road workers; how are we supposed to build and maintain our roads now?”

LL Senator Sir Quincey “Squints” Masterson: “We will simply hire new workers. Those workers were sloppy and rude. They were poor representatives of Liberland.”

LL Congressman Ronnie Paulo: “They were trying to save 10 crying kittens when your carriage destroyed their tools! I would say they are excellent representatives of Liberland.”

LL Senator Sir Quincey “Squints” Masterson: "Let’s not argue over trivialities Congressman. The fact is that you have spent time and money in order to get elected as a Congressional Representative for our country. It would be a shame for you to have wasted that time and money… We don’t want to have to fire you, so why don’t we come to an arrangement?

LL Congressman Ronnie Paulo: “Fire me? You can do no such thing! I was elected by the people and I’m going to serve the people!”

LL Senator Sir Quincey “Squints” Masterson: “No, no ,no… Read your LL Constitution Mr Congressman… It clearly says we have the power to dismiss any officials we want to. Now, let’s just say we couldn’t fire you, well we control the treasury, so you can expect not to ever receive any funding for any of your projects.”

LL Congressman Ronnie Paulo: “This is coercion. The Constitution also says the Senate isn’t supposed to use coercive measures.”

LL Senator Sir Quincey “Squints” Masterson: “This isn’t coercion, this is just having a chat. And the chat is only for your benefit. We could just fire you without ever having this chat. That is our right. So your choices are clear: you can either drop the idea of a Constitutional Convention, or be fired. It’s quite simple.”

LL Congressman Ronnie Paulo: “Or I can tell everyone about the mischief you are trying to pull behind the scenes.”

LL Senator Sir Quincey “Squints” Masterson: “Go ahead and tell them, my boy. What can they do? Grab their pitchforks? They have divested all their power into us, and we rule for life, and one day my son Squints Jr will rule them. That’s just how it is, no one can change it.”

LL Congressman Ronnie Paulo: “You won’t get away with this!”

(Squints stands up and starts to walk out of the room.)

LL Senator Sir Quincey “Squints” Masterson: “Farewell Congressman, I hope your future endeavors are more successful than your government ones.”

(Congressman Paulo slumps back in his chair as he ruminates over what was said.)